StyleEye Hiatus

Hey Eye'rs! I can't thank you enough for continuing to read my little blog and bringing so much love and motivation.

I will be on a little hiatus while we, as a family, are living out our final days with our precious Sheila. She made us a family and it feels only right to dedicate myself to cuddling and loving her for her short time she has left on this earth.

I'll be back with Fashion week and Fashion's Night Out coverage from NYC in September! 

If you care to know a little more about Sheila please feel free to read the story below:-) xxx SE

I’ve been thinking about love since the days when I was chasing Jay Nelson around the third grade school yard. I would say with such frivolity “I LOVE him!” I had these feelings of consumed joy when he was around. A glimpse of him would make my eight-year-old day…this had to be love right? I would move on to Tanner Johnson in 6^th grade, same story, different name scribbled in hearts on my notebook. I thought for sure I had the definition of love down pat. 

Today as I sit in my living room, crouched on the floor, typing on a chair so that I can be closer to her, I know that this is a whole different kind of love. A love I’ve never known. “Her” is my beloved Sheila. A beautiful, intelligent, kind, loving animal that God (because I can’t think of anyone more special and all knowing who could know this creature was exactly what I never knew I always needed) brought into my life, via an email, one October afternoon.

She was the center of the saddest photo you’ve ever seen; hunched up in the corner of the ASPCA’s photo op kennel. Behind her a sun and cartoon bushes are haphazardly attached to a blue tile, “sky,” wall. Her description read: “TEMP. FOSTER HOME URGENTLY NEEDED for SWEET MEDIUM SIZED DOG SHEILA,” “Shelia is a delight. She is completely housebroken, friendly to everyone, does not bark or chew, and is well behaved.” These words, combined with her photo where all I needed to immediately respond that we would take her on temporarily while her family organized their affairs. 

When we went to pick her up on that fall evening almost 4 years ago, she came to the door and greeted us by rolling on her back, exposing her belly, wagging her tail so violently that it propelled her body into a side-to-side wiggle. I think we knew at that second that this relationship would not be temporary, and that the seed of this newfound love was planted in my heart and soul.

Aside from some anxiety and the occasional crusty look, the only issue that ever arose from Sheila was her constant need for affection. In the beginning I found this neediness draining and mildly obnoxious. I was far too independent for such a dependent animal. Although, I secretly loved that she seemed to want this love from me the most. 

Looking back, I wish I had monetized every single cuddle, lick, and lap lay, because now I know that my time with her is not definite. Now, I’m the one that can’t seem to leave her side, in the same manner she used to stick to me like Velcro; I too have mastered this same form of affection.

I realize that this love is not a love that’s widely accepted or understood in our society. While it might seem that “everyone” has a dog or a cat, I have found in dealing with my dog’s onset health problems, that my emotional reactions are not necessarily “normal” or “accepted” among my peers. Cut to me crying to my building’s maintenance man who sparked something in Sheila to get her weak body to stumble down the long hallway so that she could bark at him. He wasn’t exactly putting his arm around me, but I suppose on any level that, in comparison to my emotional outburst, would be more inappropriate. 

So while I am now, after four years, truly getting in touch with my love, I am also discovering how unique, intense and misunderstood it probably is to others. This is why I want to state the words that I know many animal lovers, pet owners, and parents (to any being) innately feel, the true meaning of unconditional love for something that is itself, pure.

I feel, which happens all to often, that this love is being realized too late for my liking. Its true recognition comes at time when I know my girl is sick and her fate is certain. I want to hold her every moment I can and make her unspoken/unknown pain disappear. I want her to really understand when I look her in the eye and tell her “Mommy and Daddy are going to do everything we can to make you feel better.” And most of all, I want, what I know is impossible, for her to be in our lives forever. 

No one has ever loved me the way she has. No one has ever been able to spend as much time with me as she has. And no one, has ever showed me the unconditional, overflowing affection the way my Sheils has. This is not sad (and yes I do have strong relationships with people), It’s incredibly special, and the kind of outpour that I’m a not sure humans are truly capable of.

And as for my love, well, it too is unconditional. Our bond is strong and unspoken. She makes me smile in the morning and she brings me indescribable joy when she lies in my lap like it’s the only place she ever wants to be. The warmth of her body brings warmth to mine. Her way with people and her sweetness break and mend my heart every day. Her presence provides a feeling that I cannot articulate, but rely so heavily on. 

As I begin this journey into the winter of her life, I will cherish each and every moment I have with her. I vow to make her feel as loved as she has made me feel over the past four years. I will hold her, and tell her “Mommy and Daddy will love you forever and ever.” I will sing to her in that high-pitched voice that makes her tail wag. And most of all, I will feel blessed that this creature has transformed our lives for this all-too-short period of time.

I will try not to cry; the way I am at this very moment, as I know what she needs is happiness and positive energy. I’ll try not to hold her too tight, so that her joints wont hurt. And I will try not to count our days, but to enjoy them, because they are precious.

So this is my love story, a tail about a girl who fell madly in love with her dog. It wasn’t a perfect love, but it was pure and honest, it was the kind of love that took no effort and had no boundaries. A love that brings only joys. A love that is never questioned or insecure. A love that changed this girl and showed her what guaranteed happiness looks like. And while this girl never wrote her dog’s name on a notebook and circled it with hearts, she branded it on her heart. 

Dearest Sheila,

Thank you for loving us. Thank you for your endless wet kisses and cuddles. Thank you for making Mommy and Daddy a real family. We will do whatever it takes to keep you happy. We will love you endlessly and keep you safe. And most of all, we will keep you in our hearts for the rest of our lives. 

It’s much too soon for goodbye, so, instead I'll just say, for the millionth time, we love you.

All of our love,

 

Mommy and Daddy

 

 

Comments

[Robin Husband]

I loved reading this T. What an amazing story you wrote about Sheila, brought tears to my eyes. I am so sad for Sheil but she was blessed into the best family ever to care and love her. Glad you found each other. Thinking of you and Matt during this time. Sheilas the best and John and I love how sweet she is!

[Ruby Lucero]

Tira-what a beautiful story. I truly feel honored to have known Sheila and been able to do my part for you all along the way. Sheila is truly one of a kind and will always have a piece of my heart with her.

To Sheila-You have been such a trooper and so brave for all of your visits. I'll never forget your smiles and kisses you sweet, sweet girl. Until we meet again on the other side of the rainbow bridge.....Love, Ruby

[wallace]

Tira, am sending so much love to you, Matt, and Sheila right now. I am so glad that she has the two of you to give her so much love and to help her on her way. Love you. xx

[Lindsey A.]

Tira- I'm so sad to read this. I feel awful. I know how much you and Matt love Sheila and she is such a special dog. Please give her lots of love for me and sloppy, wet kisses from Chloe bear. She was so lucky you found her and gave her all the love a puppy deserves. xoxo, Lynn